Hi, My Name is…What?

Posted by: WD on: August 4, 2010

• In: Character Development | Names | Writing
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Note: Thanks to the title of this post, I now have that one Eminem song stuck in my head.  Argh.

One of the biggest problems I have with writing is with naming things.  It’s a good thing I don’t want to reproduce, ’cause if I did, my kids would probably end up being named “Baby Girl/Boy 123″ or “Bob” or “Z” or “Adam Lambert 2.0″ or something (mostly because it would make me lol, I admit–yet another reason why I would be a terrible, terrible mother).  Yes, I would hopefully have months to figure it out, but that would just mean I would have months to get overwhelmed and angsty over the many, many choices.  Thank goodness naming a real, live human being is a problem for AU!WD, not me.  I have all of the maternal instincts of a soda can tab, and as much interest in having children as I do in having a clammy, malodorous dishrag permanently affixed to my face.  You’re more than welcome to have and name your own kids, but leave me out of it, please.

Today, I ordered a netbook.  It’s gonna be an adorable, tiny little thing that should arrive this week, since I got express shipping on it.  Lightweight, silver, probably only gonna be used for writing, and so cheap I’m still a bit leery about it (but I’m used to temperamental computers *pets her one-year-old prone-to-overheating HP that has had Issues since the beginning*).  I’m so excited about it that I’m actually thinking about naming it.

…Hold on.  Naming it?

For me, trying to find just the right name for something is a long, torturous process that causes lots of whining and headdesking–and the sad thing is, I can’t write about a character unless the character has a name, and I can barely write a story that doesn’t have one.  Names are important.  Names mean so much.  As a person whose real name has been misspelled countless times (which, among other things, has led to my plan to use a pseudonym if/when I get published.  I like my real name; I don’t like to see it misspelled), I can tell you that names matter.

I don’t name my stuff.  The only object of mine that has a name is Impy the MP3 player, and if you say “MP” out loud you can guess why I named it Impy.  It sort of fits, too–it’s little and mischievous.  It likes to play Adam Lambert right after Rufus Wainwright’s “Gay Messiah” (and I don’t even have a “Welcome to the Rainbow” playlist), it reads my mind sometimes and often refuses to listen, it malfunctions periodically…yeah, it’s an Impy.  I got lucky when I named it, because the right name for it was right there.

I usually don’t get lucky when it comes to names.  Oh, I have come up with some good names.  I’m rather ridiculously fond of Pandora for my dog.  Several of my characters have names that I really like.  But the good names are rare, and they did not come easily.

Take Cooper, for example.  I picked the name “Jonathan Cooper” from the names on two book covers on my bookshelf, because Rhys Coursey (who came from a friend’s suggestion and a telephone book) needed a friend.  Now, look at Cooper–he’s a glittery, loud, eccentric diva who demands attention.  I don’t like his name.  I don’t think it fits.  He doesn’t think it fits.  But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better, and I’m so used to it now that he’s stuck with it.  Sorry, Cooper.  He’s not the only one I’ve had trouble naming.  There are several living in my head who still don’t have names, like one of Cooper’s bandmates and a pair of characters from something else.  The bandmate wants to be named Rafe, but I already have a Rafe–girl!Rafe in my zombie ‘verse.  And I’m sure I’ll have just as much trouble with names in the future.

In short, naming things sucks.  I don’t do it at all unless it’s important, and usually, that’s when it’s the most difficult.  So this new computer must be pretty damn important to me.

…Oh crap.  I need to find a name for it.  D: